I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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