On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
