I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
