At least make sure they are 18
Why
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
