Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
