it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
