They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
