Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
