You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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