i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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