Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(571): View more from Virginia

Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober

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(571): Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober http://tfl.nu/ny6e

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(224): View more from Illinois

finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.

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(224): finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know. http://tfl.nu/xu8i

Replies (39) Good night (6831) Bad night (928)
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(267): View more from Pennsylvania

why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?

(215): View more from Pennsylvania

she has a santa fetish

(267): View more from Pennsylvania

cute.

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(267): why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place? (215): she has a santa fetish (267): cute. http://tfl.nu/kuhz

Replies (18) Good night (5762) Bad night (1250)
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(816): View more from Missouri

Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.

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(816): Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned. http://tfl.nu/ygc3

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(541): View more from Oregon

She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...

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(541): She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets... http://tfl.nu/jeys

Replies (28) Good night (6891) Bad night (1864)
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(617): View more from Massachusetts

I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.

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(617): I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent. http://tfl.nu/742m

Replies (10) Good night (1444) Bad night (2301)
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(860): View more from Connecticut

Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring

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(860): Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring http://tfl.nu/m17v

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(860): View more from Connecticut

You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!

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(860): You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS! http://tfl.nu/g8vq

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(520): View more from Arizona

He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?

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(520): He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA? http://tfl.nu/u8oz

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(276): View more from Virginia

They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?

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(276): They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends? http://tfl.nu/rjha

Replies (8) Good night (1661) Bad night (859)
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(757): View more from Virginia

I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.

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(757): I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am. http://tfl.nu/vke9

Replies (0) Good night (477) Bad night (305)
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(407): View more from Florida

There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.

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(407): There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things. http://tfl.nu/bogj

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean

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(401): So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean http://tfl.nu/7uwn

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(618): View more from Illinois

Holy sore nipples Batman

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(618): Holy sore nipples Batman http://tfl.nu/v9db

Replies (1) Good night (317) Bad night (172)
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(614): View more from Ohio

Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.

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(614): Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid. http://tfl.nu/08nh

Replies (6) Good night (501) Bad night (193)

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