Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(910): View more from North Carolina

i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"

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(910): i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day" http://tfl.nu/pe7h

Replies (33) Good night (1127) Bad night (2365)
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(630): View more from Illinois

We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.

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(630): We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed. http://tfl.nu/qpmm

Replies (101) Good night (31315) Bad night (5109)
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(931): View more from Tennessee

How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.

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(931): How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you. http://tfl.nu/giys

Replies (7) Good night (3457) Bad night (1276)
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(808): View more from Hawaii

There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude

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(808): There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude http://tfl.nu/nnq9

Replies (2) Good night (1582) Bad night (768)
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(267): View more from Pennsylvania

I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....

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(267): I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa.... http://tfl.nu/2i55

Replies (6) Good night (2560) Bad night (719)
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(941): View more from Florida

Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains

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(941): Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains http://tfl.nu/tyep

Replies (11) Good night (2746) Bad night (1277)
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(910): View more from North Carolina

Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.

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(910): Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen. http://tfl.nu/269t

Replies (6) Good night (860) Bad night (1451)
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(415): View more from California

Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.

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(415): Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits. http://tfl.nu/q1hp

Replies (8) Good night (893) Bad night (1441)
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(734): View more from Michigan

he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.

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(734): he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur. http://tfl.nu/43r1

Replies (6) Good night (1304) Bad night (664)
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(920): View more from Wisconsin

He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character

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(920): He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character http://tfl.nu/qsh8

Replies (4) Good night (1657) Bad night (551)
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(201): View more from New Jersey

SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS

(845): View more from New York

Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.

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(201): SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS (845): Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings. http://tfl.nu/tkia

Replies (8) Good night (1130) Bad night (516)
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(907): View more from Alaska

I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.

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(907): I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams. http://tfl.nu/1yko

Replies (2) Good night (680) Bad night (335)
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(605): View more from South Dakota

I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.

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(605): I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong. http://tfl.nu/x9eb

Replies (2) Good night (418) Bad night (366)
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(908): View more from New Jersey

would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours

(615): View more from Tennessee

This is why you're my favorite TA

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(908): would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours (615): This is why you're my favorite TA http://tfl.nu/ulv5

Replies (0) Good night (574) Bad night (416)
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(281): View more from Texas

I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."

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(281): I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off." http://tfl.nu/27tg

Replies (3) Good night (718) Bad night (464)

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