On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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