He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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