I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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