How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
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