I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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