I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Sext me about skeletons
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
