he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
