I'm drive I can fine osifer
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
