the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize
