Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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