You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
