Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
