The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
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