she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
