R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Randomize
