So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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