I swear god or herbie drove my car home
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
