How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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