chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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