so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
