Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
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