don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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