Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
