...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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