To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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