I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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