Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
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