you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
