peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
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I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
The Olympian is in my bed
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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