She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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