wakey wakey hands off snakey
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize