it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Randomize
