Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
