I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
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