wanna go halves on a baby?
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
