I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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