Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
