This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
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