Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
