I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
