Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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