hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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