Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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