I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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