There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize
