i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
