Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I am spending my child support on dildos
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Green mimosas i think yes
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
