Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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