i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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