id be glad to
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
