I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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