WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
