Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
