Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
