i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
