this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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