One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
