That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize