Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.