its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?