so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.