Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.