Your face is a jimmy john
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
